Saturday, July 12, 2014
To the Unknown Lover
Over the course of writing this blog, I have touched on many topics. The topics have included heroes and role models, evolution and religion, modern problems in the world of my discipline of philosophy, as well as various areas of Mormonism and it's theology. While those are things that I will continue to address in the future (among many other things), this blog will be far different than the others.
This blog is entitled "To the Unknown Lover". This person is known to me, but her identity will not be revealed to you. She is not the fantasy of my imagination, but rather she is a person who is as real and tangible as you and I. She is a friend, so my identity is also known to her, although the depth of my feelings for her remain hidden.
So, who is this "Unknown Lover"? How did I meet her? What does she mean to me? How have I changed by knowing her and being in her presence. These will be elaborated on herein.
First, who is she and how did I meet her. As I noted earlier, her identity will remain secret. However, there is no harm in revealing how we met. I remember it as if it were only yesterday. It was on Sunday, April 28th, 2013. I was sitting in the back end of the chapel waiting for sacrament meeting to begin. By chance, I glanced behind to the last pew on saw a young girl thumbing through the hymnal. To say that this was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen (and remains in that role) would be an understatement.
After the service ended I introduced myself, learned about her a little, exchanged numbers, and then she went on about her way as she had an appointment of some sort to get to. I must admit that as she was talking I was looking at her hands looking for a ring (this was before I deduced that an engagement ring lies on the left hand on the so-called "ring finger"). Noticing this she asked me "Are you looking for an engagement ring?" Feeling a little sheepish in my wolves clothing I replied with a smile (yes I do that once in awhile) "Yes". Laughing a little and blushing she replied " I am not engaged, no worries." I still have not heard more beautiful words come out of a woman's mouth.
I continued to see her weekly at church, always making sure to talk to her and find out how things were going with her family and life, always listening intently. I continue to do that to this day when I see her. Suffice it to say that we have a fairly strong friendship.
It has been over 1 year since I have known the unknown lover, and not one day has passed since that day that I have not thought about her and longed to be with her as more than just a friend. Sadly, I have not yet shared my feelings for her in person or in any other form. And it has been eternal torment and anguish ever since. I echo the words of my progenitor, the infamous Cain when he said "My punishment is greater than I can bear."
What am I to do, my blonde-haired, hazel-eyed beast? Am I to follow in the paths of my philosophical fathers? To wallow in skepticism and doubt as David Hume? To be chained with the yoke of reason as Immanuel Kant, knowing that what I desire can never be solved by reason alone? To drown in the dreadful and dark waters of nihilism and despair as Friedrich Nietzche, declaring a new verdict that "Love is dead"? I know not. But I hope that such shall not be the case.
To the unknown lover, know this. Like our fathers Isaac and Jacob, I do, and have since I first saw you, loved you dearly and deeply. Perhaps the divine providence, fate, or cruel twist of nature that brought us to meet will bring us to much more than that. I hope and desire that this shall be the case. Until that I time I bid thee adieu. My heart will always belong to you. I love thee now and always. Farewell, unknown lover.